09:06:08
"I am the hatred you won't embrace." [All Hope is Gone]

We had gotten the new Slipknot in Dallas when I went to mall w/ Becca. Sorry to say boys....but its very dissapointing. What happened to all the aggression, the passion?

09:05:08
"I believe whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger. " [The Dark Knight]

I have had a very peculiar, eye opening day. Since this is going to be a public journal entry, those who know me and read this blog (Esp. Holly, Becca, maybe even Posh / Proz) might be able to read between the lines and understand it better than the ones that have no clue as to anything about me (i.e. everyone else in the world).

I spent the whole day with Ally, Nick's girlfriend. Maybe the last few hours, once power regained its control on uptown humanity, she was gone. She was engaging. I felt suspended by her conversation. It was strange to be around her and know things about her, her life, her thought process, the history of how she became this intriguing person. Some of which is still shrouded in the mystery we did not discuss.

I listened to story after story of him and her, the beginnings, the futures, both promising. Stories that if mine to tell would be hidden away for late nights with Proz over coffee and a can of paint.

I know how one perceives this, mainly because I discuss a lot of things with Mike before they hit the pages of any web based item. I am told by many, mostly him of my affliction/affection for people, my ability to see beyond what it there everyday.

But seriously anyone who knows me realizes the day I have had now.

On to the other reason that it was a peculiar day. I spent time on the interior of Andre's home. It was an awkward situation for me, fine for him I am sure. His wife and kid were running around playing and he was writing check after check. I tried to be as casual as possible like as if it didn't matter that I am standing the kitchen of my boss' 700K house while he commenting on my talent of the website and my ability to stay working when all else failed - to his wife.

I am glad to have the day end, be at my fave Pj's with the A Team. Missed you girls!

iTunes: "All Hope is Gone" - Slipknot

08:24:08
Last night was shaking and pretty loud. [Rock you like a Hurricane]

Right now we are in the midst of what was at one time Hurricane Fay. Its been raining crazy and dismal all day. Plus I think the airport traffic is being diverted since at least 27 planes have flown over the house since this morning. Normally we have a few but today has been ridiculous. I have had to pause during almost all of our conversations today. The tropical whatever doesn't bother me. I was both physically and mentally prepared to pack things up and leave. When, prior to Katrina ...(there goes another plane ...28) I was afraid of losing now I have nothing left to lose. Don was going nuts about that damn tree. So now we are having it cut. Will post before and after pictures, of course.

08:21:08
Vintage Etsy!

I have been spending a lot of time on Etsy.com lately since we bought the house. I have been thinking of trying to replace some of those lost items. I came across this and nearly fell out of my chair. I have many memories, as many of you have heard, of my grandfather visiting every night and my parents would sit around and drink coffee. I really believe because of this little event I had a great childhood. This was the cup that my father would usually drink out of. I would read all the little sayings all the time. Larger images at the jump.

08:07:08
The Slow Draw of Dawn

This entry doesn't require a quote. I would have written this in my myspace, but I have been overloading that with other entries. That and most of my friends don't really come here. At least we might still be friends if they have no idea that I wrote this.

So as my previous entry, I was a fan of Twilight. I got the fourth installment on Sunday. The first chapter went easy. But now I force myself to read it and I think I might just give up. I am, unfortunately, not like other girls. So unnecessary drama is not something I enjoy. I immediately accepted the vampires from the first novel, the werewolves got a little harder to swallow, but this Breaking Dawn, it is just too much. I find myself repeating over and over, As the World Turns. That's what I feel I resorted to. I read a good bit last night, but I think we are flatly coming to a Howard Jones [KsE] moment, Sever the Ties. I feel bad to abandon this after I have entrapped others into this. I mentioned to Posh about it and I thought she was going to eat me alive. I will try to prevent myself from reading Allure tonight but I don't think its going to happen. I even read on Wikipedia the future premise hoping that would get me going but now I think I might hate it!

On another note, much better, Fast and Furious (2009) the fourth movie in the franchise will be released on 05 Jun 09. I know its the cheesiest thing, but we like what we like. Its not like I am saying this is going to be the cinematic event of the year, well for me it might. I am not expecting some deep epiphany about life, its just entertainment. I will be ridin' like the days of Team Integra to see this one.

10:01:07
Harold Latapie....Happy Birthday

It's a joke a dream I have to wake up, make it be over. I miss you. I miss you tons. I don't want you to be here and go through all this, but I miss you. I still remember the last conversation we had almost ten years ago.

09:30:07
"The finest quality flashlights" -DP

Have I told you how much I love Dark Passage lately? I do, I don't know why. Maybe because they do all the things that I wouldn't, I don't know. Anyway I have been away from the site for far to long!

Dark Passage

XM off Aol: 80's

09:21:07
"Most thoughts are memories." [I'll Sleep When I am Dead]

Becca left today. Her last day in New Orleans, last day at the job.

09:11:07
Remembering 911

I have nothing to say about remembering 911. I spent lots of time online today and I didn't really see that much in memorial.

What I do have to say is really about the whole Kanye West 50 Cent beef that's going on today. First of all you decided to release albums on 911 because you just couldn't wait right, I mean another week? So that this wouldn't be going on while people are trying to remember their loved ones. Plus Kanye can't have enough bad things happen to him. See nothing happened to me during Katrina. Funny mostly cause I haven't seen a dime other than my own since the fiasco. Glad I am not afraid to work...

09:08:07
One Eyed Jack's

So I let Linzy and Ashley talk me into going to 80's night. I saw a tenant, nameless of course. Some old people from St. Bernard and James Franco. I updated some flicks from that night.

Pictures -

iTunes - Lookout Weekend

09:06:07
What to make of it

So Becca put her notice in. What is interesting is that "she wanted to tell me first" but only hours after telling me she tells everyone. So now that leaves me and Robyn. This is going to be interesting.

09:02:07
Creating Lists

I have created several lists for my birthday. Of course I love getting cards and phone calls and stuff like. Money can't replace the fact that you thought of me on my special day. Hint Hint. But in case you would like to give me something I recommend anything from the lists below:

08:16:07
"I will come for you, do you understand me?" [Day After Tommorrow]

I am sitting here reading the latest influx of Brant's emails. Its crazy since the first four are pictures of what his destroyed home looks like 2 years after Katrina and the rest are warnings of Hurricane Dean. The anxiety starts all over again. Packing my stuff, trying to figure what will fit in the car, what I will have to leave behind and what I will be coming home too again. While I can't convince Don not to stay, I can only imagine what this is going to be like. The images of leaving my family behind that morning to live in Dallas, the realization that home isn't there anymore and the very first image of my home post-K all to fresh to not feel a lump in my throat when I see the swirl, which is now just starting to how in my Mac Dashboard, that defined tiny circle of nothing in the middle. The only real question is whether or not we can do this again?

iTunes: I'm a Soldier, Afghan Whigs

08:03:07
"My flaws are the only thing left that's pure" [Slipknot]

I have to write about my day in design world.

I know exactly what happened. I am not by any means stupid. I know what I was doing and how to time it well. I drove like it mattered, I completed my task efficiently and in a timely manner.

To yell and berate me is ridiculous. I can't understand why you would yell at me. So much goes on here, I can't begin to form words for a proper discription. The boundaries are blurred and enemies mount quickly. But yelling at me is not a way to get me to do what you really need done.

It is not my fault that you gave it to someone who cannot multi-task. I am sorry you gave her a project that she took three days in solitude that I could have done in one. I have never once had solitude to complete anything that has been asked of me. I did that same project + more while still doing my regular job + more. But yelling at me like I am a three year old? Yeah that makes me want to do a good job and give it my all. I am not by far the best but I do understand the definition of hustle. I can actually move out of my own way. Design is challenging every brain cell i have.

07:24:07
"I'm hearing voices but all they do is complain" [Corey Taylor, Slipknot]

I can't take credit for the above quote, that's Corey Taylor of Slipknot. I came across this article about the difference between singer and songwriter. Since my boyfriend is all of the above I already know the exact difference between the two.

Over the last couple of years I have really listened and become to enjoy rock, metal and the heavier metals. I have been made fun of (which at my age really has no effect) my choices in music. Bands like Killswitch Engage, Black Dahlia Murder, Slipknot, etc. are all of the above. To be precise KsE is more than that, they sing, write, perform, produce and market their own brand of music. I can only imagine the royalty checks they receive. I have been a long time fan of the singer-songwriter. I have seen the things that go into writing a song, perfecting it, performing it and then recording it. Why would I sell myself short by listening to Britney who has only done 1/3 of all that.

Who is really writing your music?

iTunes: Me Inside, Slipknot

07:23:07
Powder Burns

I got hold of Twilight Singers album Powder Burns, which is Greg Dulli's new band. In case you don't know who that is he is the guy from Afghan Whigs. Its pretty good, but to speak truth it sounds alot like Afghan to me. I am no musician so. I like it though since I was missing them to begin with. Guess I should have checked them out sooner.

On another note Becca found a place. Its funny too cause the place she is renting is one that I eyed a lot when we were looking for a house. It has very strange architecture.

iTunes: I'm a Soldier, Afghan Whigs

07:17:07
Hiding behind those empty smiles

Thank you for coming back to New Orleans!!!!

07:09:07
If three is a crowd....

So I had a car accident. A 20-30 mph car accident. Lightweight but of course I have to run into someone who has no disregard for anything. Of course, she didn't wait for a police report, no ticket was given etc. But now three days later ( after she has had time to consult a lawyer) she has aches and pains. Awwww right,. Just another way to screw the system. Like we haven't had enough bad things happening to us. I called the woman to settle out off the insurance company's hands but she would rather her pain and suffering. The almighty dollar is all that matters. I wish my mother wouldn't have taught me to be honest to do the right thing. I could have really did her over by letting her leave and filling the report as a hit and run in which she would have been at fault. Whatever.

iTunes: Slipknot, People = Shit

07:03:07
Jason had a car accident.

I have flicks on the pictures page, and of the new car. Also Joe has mentioned that Planetgrey is going down for the count.

06:30:07
Burn Notice

I love the new show on USA called Burn Notice. I hope it lasts more than one season unlike all the other shows I truly loved. (I.e. Keen Eddie) I missed the show on its regular time and had to download it. What's up with iTunes, they didn't even have it. I certainly would have paid for it.. I guess they were to busy pushing that iPhone.

06:21:07
"Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's" [Breakfast at Tiffany's]

New pictures of the ring I ordered from Tiffany's. Also I have made a new section for pictures of random things that I find in vacant apartments or what happens around them cause in this business you never know....

iTunes- Eyeless, Slipknot

06:02:07
"What? Did you guys get a group rate or something?" [Oceans 11]

This landlord is a piece of shit. Not only will he not fix anything, but now he has moved these white trash crack heads in that are stealing our stuff and their 5 kids, one autistic maybe two, are screaming running up and down, destroying my garden. Is there a landlord out there that wants 4 good paying tenants with good pets, that pay on time and care what the property looks like the entire time we live there. We aren't joes from the street. Previous home owners who took care of our properties. We care about the way that we park, what the garden looks like outside, whether or not the driveway is clean. Doesn't any landlord out there want us?

So I think we are going to be moving soon. Another 3 bedroom with another roommate makes 4.

Slipknot put it best.

iTunes: People = Shit, Slipknot & Paint it Black, Type O Negative

06:01:07
Wasn't as Crazy as I Thought

June 1st is a big deal in the apartment world that I work in. But this one leaves a lot of questions to answer. There weren't that many turnovers. Most of the apartments were left clean but every single one I have walked in had some type of water damage.

05:20:07
NEW

I couldn't take it. I had to change it. I like this for now. I need some organizational and navigational ideas. Something besides the iframes to layout all the content for the other pages. My couple of designs over the last couple of years have been iframes for the pictures and dialogue and that's got to go. Shoot me a line or something.

05:04:07
I hate it!

I know I designed the new layout but I hate it. I am capable of much better. Makes me not want to update this thing. Time for a change, again.

04:27:07
This is so cool!!!

Becca and I were walking to Starbuck's one morning and came across the box for this. I looked it online and it expensive. But cool as hell.

04:18:07
"I'm wrong all the time. It's how I get to 'right'." [CSI:Vegas]

The road Home project is a joke. I don't understand. We worked hard, had dreams, fulfilled those dreams by buying a house. That alone was a traumatic experience. We thought we had done something right by getting flood insurance but we didn't. So for all those efforts, working our asses off, going without things, like a decent a/c in Louisiana summer so that we could afford this, we are rewarded only $7000 from the road home program. So let me get this straight, I should stay here and you have given me not even enough money to buy a decent used car? But I did the right thing some how this doesn't seem right.

iTunes: Slipknot

04:13:07
Friday the 13th

Today was the day of cars. I has an appoint to show an apartment to a single doctor on internship at Ochsner. He pulls into the parking lot and I heard it from inside. The 2003 Evolution VIII. Hot! We talked shop for a little while and I showed him the places I had. We talked shop some more, he reved I got to look inside and everything. Friday couldn't be better until I got home and checked my email:

04:10:07
Stella!

I love Stella McCartney! I love her designs and today I got the perfume Stella. It rocks. Get it!

03:31:07
DRYER!!!

I got a dryer,, a brand new working dryer. I no longer have to borrow Jason Delo's. Its so nice to have a dryer you have no idea. I spent all day with dear ol' mom helping her and we didn't go to get the dryer until late. I missed out on going to trivia but there's always next time....

03:30:07
Andre's Accident

Andre had an accident with the Beamz X5

03:21:07
"She knew you were you." [James Bond, Casino Royale]

I was completely against Daniel Craig as James Bond. Pierce Brosnan just had something more, a level of sophistication, I guess that I couldn't imagine Craig having. I should have learned a lesson about this from Batman. Tim Burton was great and his Batmans are the only ones I recognize. Christian Bale however is a sinister Batman which is what I imagine the real Batman to be like. So I give Craig a thumbs up.

iTunes: Bourne Identity OST

03:14:07
"Don't take this personally, but I don't think you can afford me. " [Inside Man]

Todd White is coming to New Orleans on May 4-6 and I will be there. I lost the only White I had in the storm, granted it was a copy. He is my fave by far. Check it out.

iTunes: My So-Called Life Episodes, trying to relive childhood

03:13:07
"Don't ever underestimate Will Graham. He's a fierce man who'll go the distance. " [I'll Sleep When I am Dead]

It was surreal. But maybe I have put too much stock in him, believed him to be much more than what he is, rose colored the idea of who he really is. I don't know. It felt like he cared and at the same time I could hear myself saying, this is pointless, its going to go nowhere. I wanted to say alot more I wanted to tell him the whole story, have him listen, have him not utter "It will be okay." Never say that to anyone. Its patronizing. But he did a good job, Andre Hooper, at being a friend and listening and being the double agent of boss. Is he really a boss though. It doesn't seem like it on some days, more like the average guy. Although we listen to instruction. Thin line my friend, its a very thin line to walk.

On another note:

This is what work is like. These are the cars of the agents.... Secret Agent Man...

iTunes: Crime Scene, Pt. I, The Afghan Whigs

03:12:07
Blue Revisited

So I decided to redesign. I was tired of the HOT pink. Pink is okay but it gets old after a while. I posted some new videos to YouTube and will fit them on to the website when they post. New flicks on the pictures. They are actually old but I never updated them til now. Grace had her first birthday Friday. I will post flicks later.

iTunes: Tainted Love, MM (cover, he does excellent covers)

03:05:07
It was something in the blood. And that's when the exodus started. [28 Days Later]

Life has become a series of amusements. Its amuses me to be the scapegoat. I play that part well.

iTunes: Pride, Damageplan

02:20:07
"Let's never come here again because it will never be as much fun." [Lost in Translation]

Jason has been going through all of his shit that he was always avoiding. Things from his house, his office from the storm. He came across a blast from the past. The Graffiti Dayz:

02:12:07
"Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze." [The Girl Next Door]

Its a strange thing. When she first spole on the phone I knew and I thought I was ready. Not just ready to hear that I got a raise but to be disappointed that it wouldn't be what I thought that I was worth. Then I heard what she said, it was delayed like a bad voice over in kung fu movies.. Sh gave me the yearly total which spoke nothing to me. It sounded like a lot but even 50cents added yearly sounds like a lot. Then I figured it out. I sat there staring at the figure. Wow. numbers, that never meant anything to me before now rate my value, my worthiness.

iTunes: Eyes of the Insane, Slayer, Christ Illusion, Grammy Winner

01:29:07
"I watched you suffer a dull, aching pain" [Wild Horses by The Sundays]

I can't for the life of me remember what movie this song was from. I am doing Mike Mansell's project and this was the last song I burned. I didn't know who sang the song, but when I saw the title I figured it was that song. I looked up soundtracks on my trusty IMDB and the movie FEAR comes up, but I don't think that was the movie. DAMN!!

New: Pictures>Mouserella, KsE Daylight

iTunes: Wild Horses, The Sundays

01:26:07
People don't always say what they're thinking... they just see to it that you don't advance in life. [Hannibal]

I had been waiting wanting a new Hannibal novel to come out. I had been wondering why i chose authors, always choose, who seem to have karge interals of time between new works leaving me at the same point every time, waiting.

Hannibal Rising is coming out 02.09.07

Hannibal Teralogy @ Wiki

Hannibal Rising Official (co.uk)

Hannibal Rising (USA)

01:13:07
This used to be my Playground.

I miss you more than words can possibly express. I miss the streets, the days like this spent driving around. Other than my own tears, I have no other expression to give. When you dismiss this hurricane and move on with your daily lives, just remember for us this video brings nothing but heartbreak for what once was.

01:11:07
Our scars have the power to remind us that the past was real. [-HL, Red Dragon]

How real it is. This was a blast from the past. I don't understand why someone would repost this. Some kind of a sick joke?

01:10:07
I always say, the way a man treats his car is how he treats himself. [The Transporter]

Is creative out the door these days? These are the hottest cars off the line at the 2007 Detroit Auto Show. I do admit that a hybrid to hit 60 in under Five is good.

01:09:07
Kip that's not a tool... that's a damn brick! Kip, man we gonna use a brick, we may as well call prison and make reservations! [Gone in 60 Seconds]

Apple has turned into a bad episode of Pinky and the Brain. They have succombed to the downfall of Hitler, world domination.

12:26:06
My friends call me James Bond. [Die Another Day]

The James Bond marathon was on yesterday and since Don was so terribily sick for Christmas this is what we did. While he was sleeping I watched the marathon. Then I got online, Wikipedia of course, and found the history of James Bond the character and James Bond the person. Interesting stuff. Although Pierce Brosnan is my favorite Bond. Die Another Day was a little far fetched. A View to Kill was good though.

12:25:06
Merry Christmas

12:09:06
You think you've changed, do you? You haven't changed. Not really. People like us don't change. Not deep down. [I'll Sleep When I'm Dead]

I got gifts for Brant, Don, Jason, and my mom. Let's see if they like them. I went shopping wih Becca which is always good. She is looking heavily in the Texas area for work and housing. I wonder why they want to be out there so bad? I guess she will be leaving shortly. That's going to suck. Especially at work. Who will fill her spot?

No one came out last night. Its was too cold they said. Brant hung out here for awhile, which was odd. People kept coming and going the whole time he was here. I wonder what he thought. After he left I found myself pondering the fact that I am never growing up. This is it. I am forever a child.

ITunes: Negklected, The Afghan Whigs

12:07:06
And the Nomiees are ....

The Grammys have been annouced. Funny how Stone Sour can be in the same catagory as Slayer? The list is here. For those Killswitch fans, As Daylight Dies was realeased to late to be considered this year. But the album certainly warrants an award.

iTunes: Unhallowed, The Black Dahlia Murder.

12:06:06
Of course I'll forgive her. I have forgiven her. Without forgiveness we're savages. You're drowning. [Closer]

Thank You Andre. I needed that. I wasn't kidding when I said I had nothing more to give. At that very second I didn't and I certainly didn't want to hear more about it. I spoke my mind with the intention of getting it off my shoulders. I certainly didn't have any expectations of you handling the situation. I appreciate the help.

12:05:06
Be careful how you judge people, most of all friends. You don't sum up a man's life in one moment. There are no cold answers, are there? There's no simple yes or no. [City Hall]

There is only one to say it. And I say it now with conviction... I am NOT by any means, incompetent. I don't care that the owner has money. It doesn't matter. I will not respect you by the balance in your checking account.

I want to let you in on a little something. What you have taught me today, what you have said to me,

It doens't matter that you come in ON TIME and that you do it EVERYDAY without hesitation.

It doesn't matter that you use your own personal belongings to further this business. MY camera, MY computer, MY laptop.

It doesn't matter that you worked two days out of your Thanksgiving holiday to create a better and more informational, more professional website than what this business has ever had.

It doesn't matter that you spent your personal free time on another manager's project and did so without complaining.

It doesn't matter that you are exetremely professional and can handle anyone on the phone

It doesn't matter that you did all this and still upheld the day to day responsiblities that were required of you. Answering the phones, taking in rent, and showing apartments.

It doesn't matter that I constantly have the fact that I have lost everything I have ever known thrown in my face on daily basis by these uptown prick tenants and still hold it together EVERYDAY. Even when I have reached the brink and still I don't show it. I have a daily reminder of the situation, I need no help from anyone else.

What does matter is that I did one simple tiny thing wrong (which I found out that I may have not done after all) and that You dear boss had to make sure you let me know how truly incompetent you believe me to be. I came into work on the day I watched my house be demolished. I WAS STILL THERE. I didn't miss work. Devastated I still dragged every last ounce of anything I had left and still came to work. Still. I even still continued to work and preform at my best after I was informed that you, dear boss, believe me to be incompetent.

I will inform you now that I am far from what you preceive me to be. You don't get to this point in life, my life, without knowing what you are capable of. What I am capable of, just in case you need a reason to respect me:

I have overcome more in the last two years of my life. I am an intelligent, capable, loyal young woman headed by determination who has owned, founded, and succesfully operated the most widely recognized local music website, Wizerk. I have doubled profits and reorganized my last 'real' position in printing and have made them the first successful print shop to tranistion completely to OS X. I created 910 Design Group and have made them a success as well.

I need not continue. I sleep very comfortable at night just simply being me. I love being me.

11:30:06
Today officialy ends Hurricane Season

Thank God!!! I am doing Ashley's makeup for a wedding tomorrow. Supposed to be a smokey eye, we shall see.

11:14:06
Even through the darkest days, This fire burns [Killswitch Engage]

KsE was awesome!!! I got this from the concert:

11:01:06
Be Homeless, please...

I found this article and I had to laugh. After 37 years you couldn't educate yourself enough to b able to afford better housing? You couldn't take an english class to sound professional? Its not that hard when the government will throw money for education at you becuase you are "poor." You are poor by choice if you do nothing to progress in life.

Link to article.

iTunes: Calm like a Bomb, Rage against the Machine

10:30:06
Moral fiber. So, what is moral fiber? It's funny, I used to think it was always telling the truth, doing good deeds... [Girl Next Door]

Hmmmm......Something to think about....

iTunes: Neklected, The Afghan Whigs

10:28:06
Wanted : Rummy

Pictures>Events>Wanted:Rummy

iTunes: DJ Bryan Smith, our neighbor.

10:26:06
Break Stuff

I am so livid right now!!! The iPod connector from the Alpine to the iPod got stuck in the track of the seat and shredded. Its not good it won't work. It won't plug in. I am so pissed. Nothing seems to be going right today that was the topper though. That just set me off. I pulled out of the parking lot and just floored it all the way down Adams. Even two hours later I am so mad.

iTunes- Black Dahlia Murder "Elder Misanthrope"

10:24:06
Happy Birthday Nameless

10:19:06
"You forget you're dealing with a clinical observer of the human carnival. " [Closer]

an Open Letter to a Dead Person is my last words on a person who has been a mightmare to be around. Now that he is gone I can say how I feel without retaliation.

10:18:06
"I always say, the way a man treats his car is how he treats himself." [The Transporter]

Honda, Why? The Civic Si is a rare car to say the least. You have to know certain things just to be able to drive it. Its comes in manual transmission only. But to make a sedan version on the Si. If you have to pick up the kids at soccor practice, or put a baby in the back seat, you shouldn't be driving, or owning, this car. Its not for the light hearted. If you aren't kicking in VTec its a waste.

The 2006 Honda Civic Si Sedan.

iTunes: Neckleted, The Afghan Whigs

10:17:06
Linzy Wins!

Jenny from the Block turned in her keys today. The pot isn't all that creative like we thought it was going to be. There are a pair of dirty socks, a surprise from Michelle, Icee from me, Beer from Brian in D, Psycho from Jason in D, Nothing but good looks from Jason in C, and I don't remember the rest. Go Linzy!!!!!

Updates: Pictures - Complex Living; Front Page - Grace; Pictures - Jenny Left the Block!

iTunes: Softer, Softest - Hole

10:16:06
Are you following me?

I find this amusing!

10:09:06
Dammit Holly J.!

I gave in and now have a myspace page!

10:08:06
Abandon the safety of mindless following,
Abandon what holds us captive to suffering [Killswitch Engage]

Not only is the new album coming out November 21 As Daylight Dies, but they are coming to the House of Blues!!!!! November 13!!! I have my tickets already!

iTunes: This Fire Burns, Killswitch Engage

09:30:06
I'm like cat here, a no-name slob. We belong to nobody, and nobody belongs to us. We don't even belong to each other. [Breakfast at Tiffany's]

I am glad that Holli Mack is pregnant. So stop telling me. I haven't called her, I am not going to call her, I don't care. I am glad that everyone else cares. That part of MY life is over, its gone it has passed. I dn't see you beating down my door trying to find out what the fuck I have been going through. Don't bother me, don't tell people you know that know me to tell me something. Let it go its over. It's gone. Don't mock that you are going to be Jason's friend, don't talk to my mom. I don't care, I haven't tried to track you down and until today haven't spoken your name. I have moved on. Move.

09:27:06
Who you choose to be around you lets you know who you are. [Tokyo Drift]

Today was Andre's birthday. I don't think he really expected us to not get him anything or to do anything. But we had planned and when we plan we come up with some great ideas. So I wanted to get Tokyo Drift for him but then I thought even as much as he talks about the movie he would never watch it.

Pictures: Andre

09:25:06
This is how we bring it

09:22:06
Revelations

PG New - Revelations

09:17:06
Jenny from the Block / Mike Tyson

Belly and N'Sync had a fallling out which made for bad drama Sunday. Massive full out female period drama. I didn't even go out to see Grace since she was in town. Brant called me but they were still going at it when I left to get the Si from F&H.

09:16:06
The Saturday

A whole bunch of us are going out tonight Jason 1, Jason 2, Holly, Becca, Amanda, Belly, Brent, Lindsay, Missy, N' Snyc, Ashley....

Pictures

09:15:06
Today is my Birthday. Drop me a line!

09:14:06
I left these out

I got Steph ("Belly") a job at riverlake. We are up to no good now! The crazy face is her first walk through. Her new pictures are under Memories>Riverlake in the pictures page. Also, there is a song Called "Lotion" from Green's Keeers which was in an episode of Grey's Anatomy and I have been singing it non-stop. I am a major Thomas Harris fan so of course I love Silence of the Lambs. I play the song at work on the G3. This was on my desk today!

09:13:06
Andre owns a suit...well close...

09:12:06
City of Friendship?

I am baffled. I must have wasted my mother's hard earned money for my tuition at Archbishop Hannan High School and I will certainly have to refund my scholarship money for my degree from Delgado, since for the life of me I cannot under any certain terms, understand why for the second time this month my entire complex is out of water. I long for the days of St. Bernard and my little house, I never had problems like this. I understand that this is referred to as a "ghetto" portion of town. Unfortunately $150.00 over my original mortgage was all I could afford, so I was not aware of this title until now. We have on several occasions been without water, even once going for more than 24 hours or at least very close to that mark. How is it that we seem to be forgotten? We are people too. I am currently looking to purchase another home so that I will never have to rent again and I have to say, I am most certainly rethinking of living in a parish that cannot assure me that I will be able to take a bath at night. I have not had the pleasure of having children but I have neighbors with newborns living here and I have seen them keeping stashes of water for a just in case situation. Several of my neighbors are Katrina victims, like myself, who have been through nore than enough but now we have a water issue that has been going on for months. There are random days where we will have no water at all for several hours. I find it very hard to believe that this is normal or that this cannot be fixed.

A few days ago I received a letter from the City of Harahan informing me I will be fined for leave my trash can on the street longer than the allotted time. I could only enjoy the laughter that ensued. I would wash mine out and put it away, I just don't have that ability. The very first time I was without water they came to the complex parking lot and destroyed 40% of the parking here. I was forced to deal with this after several calls to the water board fell on deaf ears. One call in particular the lady was rude informing me they knew about it. I guess, like Katrina, its not her/their direct inconvenience so after months of us parking anywhere we could find the hole was filled in with gravel. That would be fine if I had a SUV. I am not going to park the only possession I have left in gravel.

I have to thank your great city for showing me the true reality of the community I have lost from St. Bernard. If there was a chance that I would safe from hurricanes I would certainly go back in a heartbeat after living here in the city of friendship.

Hole (opens in new window)

Water (opens in new window)

09:11:06
And whosoever shed man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed, for in the image of God He made man. [The Boondock Saints]

I remember exactly where I was. Living in Venetian Isles watching TV trying to fall asleep since i had been up all night working on a website for NOLA Outlaws.

09:10:06
Alpine KCA-420i

09:02:06
It's like a little boy's nursery school I've come upon here. [Gone in 60 Seconds]

I saw Dustin's new place for the first time ever today. strange that he isn't right around the corner. Finally got my jacket, almost a year later...

New: Dustin's Place on Pictures.
iTunes - Unchain my Heart, Ray Charles

08:31:06
How'd you get taken on as a lady's maid if you haven't got any experience? [Gosford Park]

I saw this guy today who looked exactly like Dave. I had to rent him an apartment. It was odd I saw him walking across the parking lot and I had to do a double take. They have to be related somewhere down the line. They have to. I talked to Andre about it, the guy kept asking for him. Andre says he knew him once and he was wild and crazy. So I told Andre a few stories. Should have seen his face. Certifiable.

08:29:06
I returned to New Orleans, and as soon as I smelled the air, I knew I was home. It was rich, almost sweet, like the scent of jasmine and roses around our old courtyard. I walked the streets, savoring that long lost perfume. [Interview with a Vampire]

To speak on the subject of Katrina one year ago would be absurd....

08:26:06
Playing the villain, baby, just like you want. I try to give you everything you want. [Girl, Interrupted]

Short time has passed, not nearly long enough to anniverserize Katrina.

Brant called today and I met him at Jack's so I could hang with Grace. Posted some new pictures. Its some what hard to see how everyone has moved on and yet I haven't. I have stayed still. Then I really thought about it. I haven't stayed still, I have taken less bullshit, made new friends, left the bad friends behind, discovered a lot of things about life and how people work. I have watched the birth of new generations, Jeremy's kid Abbey, Belly's kid, Isabel, Brant's kid, Grace. In a few years they will be where we are now, confused and curious, maybe lacking direction, or even all about direction.

My quote today is from Girl, Interrupted. Becca had this description of me that was odd. I guess to see yourself through someone else's eyes,...interesting.

Anyway, none of my picks for Emmys have one. That sucks.

08:21:06
The men of Riverlake

Here are the men of Riverlake where I work:

Andre

Charles on his Powerbook G4

Christian with his ear attachment!

08:15:06
Life's simple, you make choices, you don't look back. [FATF III: Tokyo Drift]

Not the Tokyo Drift isn't the cheesiest movie this year but Han got all the good lines. The quote is true. Living in the past is losing sanity. But you have to make good choices. Double edged sword.

iTunes- Funeral March, Beethoven

08:14:06
Si on Carrollton

My car at work.

08:13:06
Over, again.

They demolished the shed. There is no remants of me ever being there.

08:04:06
Belly Nite out...

Pictures Page

08:02:06
The end of warranty

07:23:06
Donald

Don's birthday. I am ever so glad he dwas born. Happy Birthday! We met my parents out at Outback an had dinner. He got this for his birthday from his dad. I thought this was cool.

07:22:06
Acid Row

I went to Barnes today, for no reason at all. Jason wanted to go and I went to tag along. I knew that I would eventually buy it again, but when I saw Acid Row in the bargain bin for 2.99 I couldn't resist. Its one of my faves and by far one of my favorite characters, Jimmy James. So I am going to read it again.

07:21:06
FF IV: Untitled

Fast and the Furious Four was annouced today!

07:20:06
Rick James, B$tch.

Mike from CPM and I always talk about movies. He ribbed on me for the whole FF III: Tokyo Drift but I redeemed myself with Better Luck Tomorrow and the BMW Series that I let him borrow. So his fave thing right now is Chapelle show. So now I am watching the whole 2nd series in which he calls brilliant.

07:17:06
Get a Life

I have 1000 miles left to the end of my waranty. We can never make any head way it seems.

Don's Birthday is coming up, I have no idea what to get him.

07:13:06
Stealing Pictures

I had to walk a unit at work for occupancy. We had filed for eviction earlier and we needed to see if they were still occuping the apartment. This is what I found.

07:10:06
Starbucks

Don's very first Starbucks. This is very funny!!!

07:09:06
The very worst part of you. [Linkin Park, Meteora]

New on PG.

I got an email today that said this...

Have a fine life,

F - fucked up
I - insecure
N- neurotic
E- emotianly unstable

which emotionally was spelled wrong. But thing is this email was from someone who claims to be 34 years old. The best part is when I brought it up it was like nothing like what? what's wrong with it. Well if we were passing notes in geometry class it might not be that bad, but we aren't. Go figure.

New Pictures of Grace, Riverlake

07:06:06
And the Emmy nominees are....

Outstanding Drama Series - Grey's Anatomy
Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series - Denis Leary, "Rescue Me"
Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series - Mariska Hargitay, "Law & Order : SVU"
Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series - Michael Imperiolo, The Sopranos
Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series - Sandra Oh, Grey's Anatomy; Chandra Wilson, Grey's Anatomy
Outstanding Animated Series - Family Guy

07:03:06
and after me there shall be no more... [Jay-Z, Encore]

Time to make cuts. Like the basketball team. You are either dedicated or not. On it or not. God! too much BLT now.

Current iTunes = "New Abortion" Slipknot

06:30:06
"That's the most truthful thing I've ever heard. " [Better Luck Tomorrow]

I was talking to someone who is a movie buff who seems to think that "Han" from TFATF: Tokyo Drift is also the "Han" from BLT: Better Luck Tomorrow. I had heard of the movie awhile back and never got into it. I got good reviews and Justin Lin directed both movies so I rented it (I actually bought from Amazon but apparently Harahan is a storm damaged area ((my ASS!)) ) My opinion Han is the same Han and maybe that's why he won't say why he has been forced into the Tokyo Underground. God trying to find a plot in the Furious Franchise have we come to this. BLT below:

06:25:06
Baptism for Grace

06:22:06
in the Place where you Work

06:09:06
Time will not stand still today

I knew it was coming, a matter of time. I wasn't sure how it would happen but for reason I always knew it would be in the morning. I spent the night thinking of the fun times, remembering every room, remembering the feelings of security. Life seemed so different, so much organized, planned out. To me it was more like the ending of Titanic where she dies and gets to go and meet everyone waiting for her. And then I watched them tear down every last penny, blood, tears that I had left in the world. The contents spilling out like blood. The crane started and bashed in the roof and two rooms and then I couldn't watch anymore, I had to leave. Icouldn't watch anymore and I was already a mess. As a writer I have no words to express the heartbreak, as a person I can never witness that again. My address doesn't exist anymore. 1822 Schnell Drive isn't there anymore.

Video: Demolition
Pictures: Demo

Current iTunes: Numb/Encore, Linkin Park/Jay-Z, Collision Course

05:11:06
Just a few things...

i have a big update coming with pitcures and video. I have three active sites (one paying gig) so I haven't updated like mad. I have a new design comng on both this one (i have already started) and on Planet Grey.

System of a Down's Hypnotize / Mesmerize is awesome get it.

I am currently completely off dairy (allergic always been never did it though) so I am rough to be around. I miss whole milk yum!

I need to return emails to Dustin and Marg

Big Belly is helping me get my contents list together this weekend so don't call.

My radio doesn't work in the Si cause i haven't had a chance to go to AutoZone for a fuse and we have never changed any so I need a bunch

I need to slow down I got really sick with that ear infection and I am noticing the hearing loss in that ear now. I have monster antibiotics that are taking care of it.

05:10:06
Press Release

OMG!! Joe Grey is coming down in June!!!!! I just spent two hours online talking to him about his crazy life. I so hope a hurricane doesn't come this time we are 3 for 3 on his last visits to nola.

05:08:06
Ears

I have a bad ear infection. BAD! it hurts! I have had it since Thursday, but the first appointment I could get was today!

04:26:06
Even more so

I love people who say they aren't profiting off the hurricane. If this commennt pisses people off then so be it. But you are currently selling a house that is 250K but pre Katrina was only worth 200K or better yet 150K then you are profiting from MY LOSS. I love how when money is involved family isn't family anymore, you are just some joe offf the street.

On another note, two actually, Dustin got the hell beat out of him in the French Quarter. Its pretty bad. Also I had one of these complex mother fuckers tell me my life wasn' impacted that much from Katrina, that my life hasn't changed. You had to already know my comment.

The cell phone is working again. I got it fixed, finally.

new pictures: fotd.

Current iTunes: Tool, 10,000 Days (advance release)

04:23:06
Apalling!

It amazes me that Nagin has recieved a single vote. Did the whole incident of Hurricane Katrina brain damage you? He left the poor community behind when he ample services to get them out. I am proud to not have ever lived in Orleans parish, proud to say that I am a St. Bernard resident, proud to reveal my address, 1822 Schnell Drive, Arabi La, 70032. I can only hope this time that racial politics don't get in the way when voting for a govenor. I hope that Jindal runs again and I will vote for you again. If Nagin is mayor again you derserve every last thing that happens to you...

04:18:06
Requiem for a Dream

I hate it. The boys are watching it right now. If there was ever a tiny single thought of doing anything its gone and I am not even watching the movie cause i have been looking stuff up on wikipedia.

Current iTunes: Lost in the Supermarket, The Afghan Whigs

04:17:06
Drugstore Cowgirl

I hate having to deal with drugs. Not just your normal vicodin. I couldn't even handle that drug when I got my wisdom teeth taken out. I had to keep going back to the doctor to get something less cause it kept making me stupid. Pot doesn't bother me as much but the other stuff makes me nervous. Nervous to be around and nervous to be around those who are taking it. I hate having to deal with it. So the complex I live in has become jail almost. One tenant passed out in my kitchen fell ot of the chair hit the ground with a large thump and was dead to the world. It took two grown strapping boys to get her out. It only makes me miss my house (1822) even more cause I didn't have to deal with this. Now the other one is all hopped up on pills and I am having to deal with her. Deal with having to repeat myself, going to a gas station that has no icees cause she forgot that icees were my most favorite thing in tthe world. Having to deal with her hanging out of my window yelling at some guy in a hatchback saying about how my SI could kick his ass (which it couldn't cause a hatch is lighter and he definitely had a swap and I have three grown women in my car) putting the child lock on for the window cause while we are in the car wash she tried to roll it down. Listening to her go on about how FEMA better give her money to fix her car window (which was not damamged by the storm) when she lost nothing during the storm...NOTHING. By the way she has two children.....

Current iTunes: Comedown, Bush Sixteen Stone

04:16:06
Happy Easter

New FOTD, Grace flicks and some new complex living flicks.

04:15:06
Soundsticks

Mac is a beautiful thing. I have the Harmon Kardon Soundsticks to plug into the G5. I haven 't even taken them out of the box yet until I situate my putter situation.

04:11:06
Complex Living

Living in a complex is so many different words that a theasaurus possibly could not handle. Once you leave here you never speak to any of thse people. They never existed.

New: Pictures, (Complex Living)

Current iTunes: Days of the New (the fist album)

04:08:06
Strawberries

I don't like that my friends, the few that truly remain, are not around. Alisha annd i had made plans that Friday night she would drive in annd spend the naight we would wake go to my house (1822 Schnell) and then to Hammond for the Strawberry Fest. Alsiha ended up having to work Saturday so she couldn't drive in. Which made the entire weekend pointless. I still wanted to hang with Grace so I went to St. Bernard and then to Hammond. At my house I found that someone stole my DVD's I had sitting out to go through, destroyed my Audrey Hepburn picture (18"x24") and my dolls the were outside drying. I hope you all get serious death cancer for going into my house.

Grace's new gift:

03:26:05
WTF?

I haven't really been updating lately. I am not as into the site as I used to be. And really who wants to hear about my situation and Katrina over and over.I haven't been doing anything crazy since the Hurricane cause I don't go out and I don't do graffiti anymore, I don't race anymore so what is there to talk about. I am not fabulous like Joe where random shit constantly happens to him. I can tell you this much. Grey's Anatomy is starting to suck. The G5 is giving me trouble, the iPod is acting funny. Lanny is about to open shop again. I like my job for the first time since I have started working. Not just like what I do but the office people are well chosen and mix well. Whatever, that's about all I have today. Will post again, maybe something will catch on fire or suddenly I'll wake up and this Katrina thing will be over.

New: FOTD pictures have been updated. New List of Nick Names
Writing: on PG - Paper Pushers
Current Mood - No, No, No Destiny's Child (Don't ask)

03:09:06
Grace Michelle Alexander

My brother's wife had the baby. I wish I had pictures but the weather was so bad I couldn't drive the 45 minutes to where they lived. I hear she has my chubby cheeks! I am going to try to make it out there tomorrow after noon. I guess I will try to follow Watch it Becca out there since she lives in Gonzalez now.

New: Grace on Pictures page.

03:04:06
Getting Up

There is a new game for Xbox called getting up and its all about graffiti. I think i might just have to give in. I liked the PS2 a helluva lot, but Don currently has an Xbox. We shall see. I need to get so many things right now. I need ram for the g5 and speakers plus my car, the Si, has been to Acura and Sonic Boom all this week which is considerable amounts each time. Dustin is supposed to be coming over sometime soon to help me out.... That is definitly a wait and see thing. He has sold me out to the point i really don't think we are friends anymore. I love him to death but if it has to be over then it is what it is.

03:01:06
Carrollton Parc

I originally was hired to go to a place called Carrollton Parc. I have passed by this place several times and no matter what time of day it always look bad. Not bad like Katrina Bad but bad like BW Cooper bad. I ain't gonna hang with that. So I talked to André about it. He said that it would be okay if I didn't want to go but we shall see. I like the office and I like everyone that works there. André is by far my fave since I am unable to crack him. The others just weren't have me but I changed all that forcibly of course by harassing every last one of them. We shall see...

02:26:06
In Your Mouth

*censored* ... I remember.

02:16:06
G5

Apple Computer Company. Thank You for the G5. I hate that the monitor doesn't hook up to it, or that i can't use my speakers with it. But its fabulous. I need some RAM.

02:15:06
Crickets

Well I started a new job, Property Management. While eventful, the job isn't really what I want to be doing. But hey I am sure there are other people out there in my predicament. So here are a few battlefield stories:

Crickets:

There is the owner's son which is also a part owner as well. He has the reputation of being cool, unlike the other brother (aptly titled 'Dude in the Back) So I hit him with my specialty, height. He asks what's up as he uses the copy machine. I proceed with my usual, very Taryn usual, well I can ride the rides today since i wore my big shoes. Come on I am me and well Fine or Good is just not good enough. I want to throw something in there that you aren't expecting. This guy looks at me.... Crickets chirping in the background, literally I cann hear their little voices. Of course the other girls in the office think it's funny. Still Crickets.... He will be called Cricket.

Boobs:

There is a guy in the back, another one named Bob, I heard somene call him Boob. He just isn't having me, well slightly. So he comes outside, I am sitting with Becca (from the Famed Watch It Becca line) and some gay dude. Bob is trying to get into the conversation at which point I inform him is not his thang. There were just to many pussies in the conversation, no room for a dick. Now he likes me for some odd reason.

02:06:06
WTF!?!?!?

Fuck Only in it for the Honey. You just made the biggest mistake ever. Anyone who would like to know, please contact me, I will tell anyone anything, its called bad publicity...Fuck with me, please...

On a different note, I don't understand what you are going to do with a blanket that has been in my house during Katrina. A blanket someone made me when I was 5. That is designed for the height of a fiver year old. Its moldy and smelly and I seriously hope you get the flesh eating virus and go through horrible pain and live. I don't want you to die. Dying is painless.

So for insurance they fucked up, the check is no good. I had it cancelled and will be another 4-6 weeks for a new one. Signed up to have the house bulldozed, god that was painful and traumatic. I love how poeple tell I have to let go. I don't have to do shit but die and only because I can't avoid that.

Current Mood - 5 Minutes Alone, Pantera, Vulgar Display of Power

02:02:06
Mystic River

Sean Devine: So Jimmy, when was the last time you saw Dave?
Jimmy Markum: The last time I saw Dave...
Sean Devine: Yeah, Dave Boyle.
Jimmy Markum: Dave Boyle...
Sean Devine: Yeah Jimmy, Dave Boyle.
Jimmy Markum: That was twenty-five years ago, going up this street, in the back of that car.

of course I am a major fan of movies but these lines represent the entire movie and when the end has come Sean Penn delivers them perfectly. He killed the wrong man.

Currently Mood: Cemetary Gates, Pantera

01:31:06
Nominations!

Tim Burton's the Corspe Bride was nominated for an Oscar in the Animated Feature catagory. Nothing else is worth mentioning. Clive needs to pick some better features.

I spoke to Zack, the guy that was close to my age, that lived on my street. Actually right next store. That was a little heartbreaking since nothing will ever be the same.

Current Mood: Touch, Peel and Stand, Days of the New

01:20:06
Friends?

friends, where have they gone?

01:12:06
Words

funny how things turn out. The days blur into nights and I wake wondering when all of it will cease. One crazy night after another, and more down to earth nights spent talking to Jason, our midnight talk sessions begin again. Late night ramblings. I love it, I love living with him, all of it, minus not having a job.

01:03:06 - My Last Serenade

I sit at the white bookshelf that has been my desk for 4-5 months after Katrina for the last time. I await my orders into the third world that has become my beloved New Orleans. I am returning home for good, to live again. No more weekend teasers, no more uncomfortable hugs that last to long cause I am not going to see them for months. I can let go of the memory that has haunted me for quite sometime. The memory of watching my parents cry in a motel in Baton Rouge cause I am leaving with no certain return date. Its over. It feels over. Its the final chapter of a book gone horribly wrong.

I have taken insults, understood the insanity of being unemployed and fully immersed myself in the behavior that is Dallas. I have done it all with a good heart, good intentions and have played my role better than an Oscar winner, best actress in a natural disaster, Taryn Alexander. I leave you all behind, Dallas, I break up with you like a bad girlfriend, a relationship that started out good and has suddenly gone awry. I leave you Dallas, the way i have found you and if for some ungodly reason I shall return it will only be in a straight jacket. I thank you greatly for being my supporter and appreciate fully, in more words than my semi college educated mind can delineate, for all you have given this Katrina evacuee. But I must leave. Must. You are my home.

I am nervous about my return. I have a long drive ahead of me and well this is the first I have ever made alone. My determination is far beyond any superhero in any new fictional Peter Jackson Movie. When my mind has been made it is fully unwavering, which is the finality I am at now.

I can only hope, at this juncture, that I am able to sustain life in NOLA as well as I did before, which would pretty much only require a job. Are you hiring?

Current Mood - Lost in the Supermarket - A cover by Afghan Whigs

12:25:05
The count down begins.

I begin my countdown to return. Dallas holds nothing left for me. I have no desire to be hear and this is by far the worst christmas I have ever experienced. In1996 my grandmother died a few days before ny brother's birthday which is in January. She got sick on top of Christmas and it was all downhill after that. The next year, my rock, my grandfather died even closer to Brant's birthday. Those were horrible Christmases spent in hospitals in New Orleans. But I still had people surrounding me. I even got to open my presents at a decent time. Here in Dallas, I am with a family that the day is not complete without making someone feel guilty. I have been miserable for quite some time. There is nothing that one single person has done, well that comment that I can't ever have my life back, that one comment was so hateful and ridiculous. I am ever so fucking sorry I want to go back to New Orleans. But really lets examine. I have no job in Dallas and no success in getting one soon. I have no friends, no place to go, so having money is pointless. I could never have a decent enough job that would warrant a house of the Dallas caliber. What I don't get it how someone can say something like that. I realize my life pre-katrina will never exist. But have a little fucking compassion. JESUS! For people who this hasn't happened to, life has not changed and its hard for them to understand my dire need. Its like when you tell them things you have lost you might as well be speaking Aramic cause they don't comprehend. They tell you, oh I am so sorry. Well are you? Did you make a donation to the Red Cross, did you buy me something for my new place? No you didn't? Well than how sorry are you? So I am end with I am sincerely sorry I can't give you compassion. I am giving the compassion that I was met with....and getting the fuck out of here.

PS. Its 3.39pm and we have yet to open gifts from christmas. There is no tree, no christmas dinner, no people coming over, nothing. In New Orleans, my parents would have cooked and we would be hanging out watching tv or some football game and while I would be getting socks and underwear for Christmas there would be a tree and gifts below. Plus I would be meeting Jason at our apartment for some serious wine therapy.

Days til I leave: 11 Days and counting...

Current Mood: New Abortion, Slipknot, IOWA

12:23:05
Fuck Texas, The Hartford, and a lot of others

If I return to Texas after January 5th it will be in a straight jacket, I promise you this if I promise anything. I am seriously done, over done, baked.

Texas: I am sorry I ddin't move out of the way of your stroller however you did come up behind me. I understand you have shopping to do and that you are so fucking ignorant you waited til 12/23 do shop. Not my problem, see I can be mean and get away with it cause I have nothing left to lise. So when I told you to shove that stroller up your ass, I was being nice about it. When I told your kid that his father is an asshole I was getting aggravated, mean wasn't until I told your wife that she is worse than Courtney Love for sleeping with you, that was mean. Sorry. Want to give me a house?

The Hartford: There are only so many ways to say fuck you. There are I am the master of it. I know it in several languages, I know how to say it so that you don't understand what I am saying or that I am being mean about it. I don't understand how you can tell 4-6 weeks 4 weeks after the last time you told me. I have a house to pay off. Everyone has their money. My parents, Jason, Jason's parents, his sister, Amanda, Dustin's Parents, Brent's too. Yet I am still waiting. I am 60 days from forclosure. Whatever I don't care anymore. I reported them to the Insurance Commision of Louisiana today, that's a new way for Fuck You.

Others: I understand that you wanted someting done, that you asked me so when I can't deliver and you have something snide to say or give me an attitude, realize I am three steps away from the funny laugh, then one from Renfield in Dracula. If it is important that do it YOURSELF. I am so depressed I can barely move so I am certainly not going to take shit from someone who can afford to take a cash value loss on my house. It's not going to happen.

Current Mood: Doll Parts, Hole

12:19:05
Resistance is futile!

I am dreamily in love with my lost city. I cannot begin to write mere words about it. The life that still resounds from the balconies in the French Quarter, the mutlitudes repairing their homes in St. Bernard and my beautiful friends who all came in from all over to spend the last weekend of 2005 together that we will ever spend after the storm. Laughter and voices still resonate in my mind, how the words sounded, their accents and how familiar voices had become unfamiliar. In two days I lived the past, reliving parts of our lives that will never again exist, I learned to forgive, that not all is eternally evil, and most of all I spent hours with people who make my world circular. I was brought to tears upon hearing the meaning of my being through someone else's eyes, the importance of friendship and how it lineates into life, the intricate web it does indeed weave. There is nothing that can keep me away now, the intoxication that I am still high off of. New Orleans can be my drug dealer anytime. There is no hurricane, no one devastation that will remove me from my city again.

I posted pictures of my visit here.

Current Mood: Hope Is..., Killswitch Engage
Current Writing @ PG: Eyes of a Stranger

12:16:05
On my way...

I am currently on my way home. It feels good. There are no clear descriptive words to fully explain how it feels. I am going to my house for the last time ever today. It feels finite. This is it oficially my dream is over. After this visit we will sign the declaration to demolish. We are going to go there and salvage anything and everything we can, although I doubt there will be much. I have watched my previous videos of my house to prepare and I am better off now having seen it for myself already. This will not be a nervious breakdown, the hurt of what happened fully enveloping me. I am sure that I will cry but it will be minute and it will be for the simplicty of a previous life one that would be easy, well somewhat easy.

Current Mood: Home Sweet Home, Motely Crue

12:13:05
And the nominees are...

The Golden Globe nominees were annouced today and Grey's Anatomy was nominated!!!!! We shall see.

12:13:05
Get over it

I don't get it. She's not dead and she can never return to her room so is there any fucking reason you can give me that is reasonable. I mean fuck I have nothing, nothing and you have to put this frivolous shit on me. Whatever. I am remembering...

Current Mood: Darkness Falls, Killswitch Engage

12:12:05
Jason's New Place

I am one step closer to coming home. Jason has a new place in Harahan. When I go this weekend I will take pictures and post them here!!! I am going to become him roomate in January. Got anything to donate to us? Drop me a line.

Current Mood: Honkey's Ladder, Afghan Whigs

12:10:05
One Year

One year since my accident. Read on @ PG...No Resolution.

Current Mood: Vermillion Pt. 2, Slipknot

12:06:05
Going Home!!!!

Ok we are heading to New Orleans on December 17th. I will be in town for one night only and want to try to see everyone I possibly can. So hit me with an email and let me know. Sylvia is doing good and here is a picture of her blood out in front of the hospital.

Current Mood: Lost in the Supermarket - The Afghan Whigs

12:04:05
Texas - there's a tear in mah beer....

OMG! I am done with Texas. Don's Mom fell on her way to see the Grandma and ruptured her spleen and had internal bleeding in her stomach. She is in ICU at the same hospital and same floor as her mom.

Current Mood: Sold Out - From Zero

12:03:05
Updates

I updated the site alot. I added old pictures from Fillet of Soul 1999. The Sinclair and Angela Street apts. I did major work. Check it out in the memories, pictures and even FotD. I added our Christmas Lists on the lists page.

12:02:05
Gettin Vizualz

Well Lopez isn't getting better. Last night at 2am the hospital called. Its crazy and well Christmas is pretty much done with in Dallas, or whereever around Dallas I really am. Dallas is a drive from here, but its easy to spell.

On the phone with the Saint the other day and he told me about this chick that is obsessed with him. Dude the shit she writes about him is out right hilarious, I was laughing in his ear. I think Saint is pretty cool but apparently in another life he pissed her off. So I am placing a link here, for all to see. Saint always tells me, over and over, that you shouldn't put something on the internet you don't want anyone to read. Everyone knows I feel about everyone so it don't matter (mom would be so proud of that english!) to me. Besides my journal has really consisted of I miss you all every last one of you for how many weeks now. I would tell all of you to your faces but well that's kinda hard from the chainsaw massacre state.

Current Mood: Elder Misanthropy, Black Dahlia Murder

12:01:05
Liar, hahahahahhahahahha

hahahahhaha, love that shit. I just had a conversation, or it might have been yesterday where as the "person" was telling me something I almost bust out in laughter cause I knew that shit wasn't true. I knew it for a fact. I am savoring the lie, tasting it like fine wine. It tastes good. The lie wasn't even about me, or anyone else. It was just funny that you thought you could pull it off. Cool.

Current Mood: Out of Exile, Audioslave

11:30:05
Face of the Day

I have decided to add a section. Everyone knows I spend alot of time on the web and I have come across this quite often so I am going to do it as well. I am going to try to be good with updates although I usually am not. Seriously though its just putting on makeup everyday and why the hell not.

So here are the updates. My mom said I had to make a Christmas list, which should be called Nerd Validation list. I know they can't afford anything Mac (Apple) and there isn't anything that I really want. I have a laptop, Lanny has it, I have my desktop, my monitor, my iPod and even a digital camera so I think I am good in the techie dept. I am going to get my G5 on my own terms and by myself. I have 1400$ saved so far. I am so close!!

Also I am going to try to take pictures of everything. I have a hosting site set up at Flickr and i have it also on this site as well. I have updated the pictures section, house, and memories.

Current Mood: Reunited, Wu-Tang Clan

11:28:05
Audrey Lopez had a stroke.

I had to call 911. She slumped down and then when we got her bake up on the couch she was talking funny. I knew it was a stroke but didn't say anything cause I didn't want to upset the one chick that was here, Alice. But it is indeed certain, Audrey had a stroke. Everyone has been at the hospital since. Now its just me and the Jiffmiester.

11:27:05
Forgot to call MOM for bail money!!!

UPDATED THE PICTURES PAGE!!!!!!!!

11:24:05
Happy Turkey Day

I sent out a massive email. If you got this you know why. This may become something on PG not sure yet. But you read it here first.

think back, was there ever a time that you knew for sure where you would be at this very moment had things been different? Not different like a different route to work, non-Katrina different. Where would I be? What would I be doing? What life would be like? Would I like it?

I would most probably still be iffy about everything happening to me, but one thing would not be different. I would have seen every last one of you this weekend. I would have seen all of you Wednesday night, cause don't lie... we would have been at wetland's getting tanked. And if history prevails in circles, if it has taught us anything, I would have spent all night out and about with some of the greatest people I have ever had the great chance, the impossible moment of crossing paths with. I would have spent the Thanksgiving eve looking at every one of you and enjoying the company of great minds, great conversation and the staple of strong drinks at wetlands. I would have stayed out way to late with Dustin and Brent. I would have unending conversations about men with Amanda and drank wine with Annette.

This is steel, iron, this is something I know for sure. I would be enjoying a cup of coffee with Jason and Dustin right now at Gerald's bitching about whatever. I would have been sluggish from my mom's great cooking. I would be amongst friends. The friends that have created the character of myself that I paint my life with. The conversations that have steered every decision I have made.

I hate this. I hate what this has done to everyone and i know the worst part, the cancer part, the part that no human pain can inflict... there is nothing to be done, that can be done, that could have been prevented.

I have spent hours on the phone today. I have cried so much my eyes burn at the touch of crisp texas air. Because simply, there is no familiar face here and this is just the beginning with no end no resolution in sight. Howard Jones, oh yeah I am certainly going to quote him, says that the truth is absolution. He may be right, but it seems more life the shroud of death, the visuals of lost sanity before your eyes.

I would say the loss of the simple sound of voice is threatening, but cellular subscription exists... So the loss of your face, the rants, the dreams, hopes, desires, distractions, imaginations... all of it is the torment of torture.

I miss you all on Turkey Day....

There is a song by Killswitch that suits today and every day after....

Life to Lifeless, KsE
Humanity cover me with the ashes of remembrance
I will learn from this pain
there is no darkness without light to teach us of ourselves
life to lifeless to eternity, life to lifeless the cycle repeats
death unfolds itself painfully to unmask how fragile we are
death unfolds itself painfully, teacher of sanity
the pain drags me down
I'll rebuild me

11:22:05
KsE - Set this World Ablaze!!!!!

The DVD is out and yes I have it. Got it today. I didn't know I was going to get it, it was a surprise!!!!!!!! Let me tell you if you buy one thing in music this year this is it. I have watched it already and this is the best video by far!!!!! This is my first DVD into my Post-Katrina collection.

Conversations with Saint. The boy is crazy, but finally I can let it rest, he admitted it, so I guess I have nothing to write about on PG, that was my last inner conflict to write about. The entire Sin City Series is his. I guess I can close out that series. The phone is a great little device but there is nothing that replaces mah boys, boy what would I give to be at Wetland's (the cheesy StB Bar) and have a drink with Jason, Saint, and Brent. Missing you guys like mad.

So Saint since I have my KsE DVD and its been all KsE today this one is for you:

"The truth is absolution!" - Howard Jones

Current Mood: "Life to Lifeless" KsE

11:21:05
Sick Sick Sick!!!

I haven't been really sick in I don't know how long. I guess this texas air is getting to me. Okay well right before I got sick I went back to brown. Right before a job interview that i guess now isn't panning out. If Katrina had not destroyed my whole situation, the blonde would have become Blue at some point when PWG was used to me. But since the whole hurricane thang I have been forced to dye it back, cause lets face it, Texas just ain't ready for someone like me.

I found live action of Howard Jones and KsE doing Take This Oath.

11:15:05
Texting Mad

I was talking to Dustin, harassing Brent over text messages and realized I had too many messages in my inbox. So I started to go through them. I have no idea what some are these are about. But they sounded funny and are old. So here goes:

name/date/time/ - message

joedean/083105/133am - i had a dream we played 4 2000 people last night...
gabbiboos/090305/0407pm - cell ph suck. not thr now...
jasonm/092305/0753pm - hardly anything is open down here...
he was in NOLA
jasonm/092405/0351pm - supermarkt on wb sux ass hv to wait to get into wd...
wb in the wd what? I don't remember now...
jasonm/092405/0420pm - come on down!
was my price right?
joedean/092405/0600pm - shhhhhhh! the password is bottom9
what password, were we robbing a bank?
thesaint/092705/0452pm - awesome
well he finally realized it....
brent/100305/0328pm - funny i am listening to mr bungle right now....
i have no idea on this one.....Mr. Bungle?
brent/100305/0332pm - velveta bitch
broccoli asshole?
thesaint/100305/0336pm - homophobe
yeah still got nothing....
brent/100305/0837pm - you thought it was stolen?
apparently I did, but was it?
jasonm/100405/0644pm - call u in while, make groceries
in NOLA Phonics that means shopping....
brent/100405/0915pm - sorry bout last night was talking to my dad
well don't let it happen again....what was it though?
brent/100505/0209pm - hope it does suck
right back at you!
brent/100505/0221pm - that's what you get for five bucks
ok what did I get?
brent/100505/0225pm - won't be the last
that I buy something for 5 bucks?
jasonm/101405/0904pm - how hes getting ur number?
oh orlando bloom? he just knows it
thesaint/102205/0352pm - going to look at hondas fruitcake
what? honda makes a fruitcake, damn it must be fast
becca/102405/0847pm - cool beans i still don't have one
umm...did i have one?
brent/102405/0857pm - me to sugar
right on equal!
brent/102405/0903pm - ?
? back at cha.
becca/102405/0904pm - well thank you yoda
your welcome, what did I say?
nettie/102405/0909pm - yeah don't blame u check 910 mail
are you trying to tell me something?
brant/102405/0918pm - what is got sauce
a sauce campaign to boost sales? i give... what is it?
nettie/102405/0920pm - oh yeah I will forward
ok me too. I forward
lanny/102505/1027am - great.
ok I am sure you got a response to that at 1027am. I wasn't great I was
sleeping
lanny/102605/0824am - thank you.
what did I do? and what the hell? 8 am? are you on crack?
thesaint/102605/0502pm - got the book
was it good?
thesaint/111005/1256pm - he is a douche bag
I agree he is
jasonm/111105/0249am - were at the dungeon gawwwwd ive been touched by an emotional vampire
this alone is funny and warrants not a single response.
thesaint/111205/0149pm - i was hit on by a 16 yr old girl
ahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha
brent/111405/0819pm - whats an arse
this one's easy... ass
brent/111405/0821pm - sounds sexy
I bet it does
brent/111405/0841pm - oh baby
that's right
lanny/111405/1051pm - you rule 2 x
well its about time you figured it out
brent/111505/1128am - good
I know I am
thesaint/115205/1239pm - what
does he ever have a clue

And this concludes all the text messages in my phone at this very minute. Now I can delete them since I have no idea what most of them were for....

11:08:05
iPod

Pictures here. Its engraved. I always wanted an iPod. Now on a mission for my G5....

It's Coming

Mood: Jesus Walks - Kanye West

11:04:05
Get the F????

People need to get over themselves really. Have you been to the St. Bernard FOrums of NOLA.com yet. Damn it sounds like the Dance Team at Hannan when I was in school. Like these people didn't lose everything. Jesus! People from the Northshore complaining about these white trash infiltrating their areas. CAUSE WE FUCKING ASKED GOD TO DECIMATE THE PARISH FOR KATRINA. cause I wanted to lose EVERYTHING I have ever owned. Sure that was my plan all along. Shut the fuck up before I really give you something to worry about. God please. This isn't over, the way that EVERYONE has treated the planet is catching up with everyone. Just wait nest year it might be Metairie, or even Slidell. As far as I am concerned St. Bernard is your fucking JESUS, who just died for your sins, thank god every night he sent you another son. Without us there Slidell would have been hit.

Mood: Triumph, Wu-Tang Clan

10:29:05
Dustin the Man

talking to the rotation of my earth right now. 2 hours, 11 minutes, and seconds and counting. I am currently on the phone with Dustin, who is drunk, well semi drunk, he is going on and on. Sometimes throughout the conversation it seems like I will hear the suicide drip through the phone, the sadness in his voice. I have missed him so much. It depressed me.

10:27:05
The price of me

To graduate into Taryn stardom you will need the following:

Hideous dress shirt

Get close to being run over in the parking lot at Starbucks

Spill coffee on new hideous dress shirt, spill coffee in shift boot, make shift boot sticky

Get lost at lunch, find my way back, spill chili on hideous coffee stained dress shirt

get sick and sound funny cause nose is not free flowing.

Get blood on hideous coffee/chili stained dress shirt from bloody nose due to lack of humidity/pollution in the air.

Spend hour in car, somewhat lost

use MasterCard at Walgreen's for medicine that will now make me stupid.

Price for all this: just being me.

10:26:05
I promise I have no bomb!

Okay knowing full well of how I can't ever seem to do things normally. I get on the interstate at 8.50am and proceed to get lost, stopping at a Shell, Diamond Shamrock, and a 7-11 before ending up in Arlington, which was 30 miles from the job and 67 from home. Get back on the interstate proceed north to lose mind completely, yelling at signs, crying at stop lights, of course someone rolls down their window to ask what is wrong. The wrong is that he didn't speak English and well I only know "American" so I proceed to the right direction wrong exit I get stuck in the airport and to avoid the toll tag line I end up 3.7 miles into restricted area in the airport where I spent 10 minutes trying to convince the security that I really was lost had no intention of blowing up planes, which I hadn't thought of until that point. Security sends me back to Arlington at which time I find a broken English Spaniard who tells me to go north and writes my directions in Spanish, not really sure but I think cocina is supposed to be kitchen and not LBJ freeway. I make it to me new job at 11.13 in mascara streaked tears. I get lost at lunch at which time I proceed east to a Zales jewelry store, who tried to hire me, before giving directions to the ghetto at which point I think I may or may not have purchased something or entered into some kind of contract involving the cocina. I make it back to work by following an integra, at which point I had considered a life of crime in grand theft auto. I work for a few more hours to discover the car won't work, along with my cell phone and I have been locked out of the building cause the car was parked down the street and by the time I got back they had closed for the day. Then an 18 wheeler guy stops to ask ME for directions, yeah right, and jumps my car pours a perfectly good coke all over my battery. I go through the drive thru at Jack in the box dreaming of a large coke and he gives me dr pepper.

I finally get home to be informed there is a search party for me (and no liquor would have been nice, not that kind of party) involving Texas stadium which is 20 miles east of where I actually was. Then his mom spent 7.30pm til now trying to get me more directions that I still don't understand but am so grateful they don't involve any cocinas at all.

Now I get to start it all over again. Damn!

10:03:05
Stolen Car

I hate the mall, which isn't really that hard to believe. I am not really girlie, or at least that girlie to be hanging in the mall this much. We got forced out the wrong exit. We exited the Foley's and I didn't see he car. Hitting the alarm button no sound, nothing. I started to freak a bit since I have heard the steal imports like mad. But no we entered wrong and had to walk clean across the other side of the mall. Its okay didn't lose the car. I got on the interstate and just for a second I forgot about Dallas and hurricanes and all that shit. It was me and the road again, until Don's sister shrieked in terror for her life. I forgot she was in the car. She is never going anywhere with again, or at least not in the car.

Current Mood: Ashes to Ashes, Faith No More

10:01:05
You Pussy!

Roy Jones, Jr. needs to find another line of work. His days of boxing are over. He didn't even put up a good fight against Tarver tonight. He looked like a little bitch.

Now that is out... My friends are slowly getting to their breaking points. Two of them have resorted to crying on the phone with me. A little disturbing considering they were the ones I thought would be just fine. We are currently working on a plan to get back to our house within the current week.

Current Mood: AIC's "nutshell", from Nothing Safe
*link is to "Nutshell" on Writing

9:27:05
our house

pictures are on the picture page.

09:26:05
The truth is absolution

Joe Dean just called. Ring, ring. I wanted to let you know there is a swing sticking out the top of your roof. How can one sentence crush you? Like I didn't know it was bad. My dream, over, the nightmare begins. I got a call from Joe about the band shed which was fine, and he said he would go to my house if i wanted him too. Its like suicide really, you know this is going to hurt. But I say yes. I wasn't prepared for what he would say.

So to my peeps that read this:

Current Mood: My Last Serenade, Killswitch Engage

09:23:05
"Skyline

Real. Right hand drive. White. Fast. If I would have been alone I would have thought I fell asleep at the wheel! 1995 Nissan Skyline. Not even sold in the US, but driving on US roads and right beside me. I almost went of the road.

Current Mood: Audioslave, Hypnotize

09:21:05
About Last Night

The torture that is this situation. I sat on the phone with Alisha talking about our last nights in New Orleans. Had I know that was to be my last night I would have done so many other things, and done them differently. I would have known ahead of time that it was the last time I would see some of my friends. I would have had everyone go out. We would have went everywhere and I probably still wouldn't have been home by the time my dad showed up to board the house. At 10.30am he knocks on my door and I could see it in his eyes. He was victim of Betsy like most people in the area. I kind of sensed it, if I hadn't I wouldn't have taken some of things I did take. Seems odd if I was going right back a few days later.

I relived that last night in my head so many times since then. Its so very easy to remember the most recent.

Current Mood: Faith No More, Last Cup of Sorrow

"It's your last cup of sorrow.
What can you say?
Finish it today.
It's your last cup of sorrow.
So think of me
And get on your way"

07:10:05
Like How You Are

My So Called Life was one of those shows that, even though it only lasted for one season, will live one forever. There was one episode where Angela Chase (Claire Danes) has been cornered by flame Jordan Catalano (Jared Leto) outside a dance and they are leaning up against a fence and someone is calling his name.

JC: Why are you that way?

AC: Like how?

JC: Like the way you are?

and of course he walks away and she stands there yelling into the night , "Like How?"

07:05:05
Cooling / Tori Amos

Maybe I didn't like to hear
But I still can't believe
Speed Racer is dead
So then I thought I'd make some plans
The fire thought
She'd really rather be water instead

And Piggy got a message for me
From Jesus
And I've heard every word
That she was saying
And I know I have been
Driven like the snow

This is cooling
This is cooling
This is cooling
Faster than I can
This is cooling
Faster than I can

So then I tried to make some plans
The fire thought she'd really rather be water
Instead
This ocean is wrapped around that pineapple
Tree

And is your place in heaven Worth giving up
These kisses
These kisses

And Piggy got a message for me
From Jesus
And I heard every word that she had said

And I know I have been
Driven like the snow

This is cooling
This is cooling
Faster than I can
This is cooling
Faster than I can

Yes, this is cooling
This is cooling

05:25:05
"I should be used to you pushing me around." [Day After Tomorrow]

I hadn't realized it in the least until they said it. Amanda said it first and Annette followed. "You are hanging on by a thin thread." Wow. The past few days have been a blur like everything for the past few months. If it can go wrong it will. I can't make everyone happy so someone has to perish. I just can't do it, respect that. Respect it even if you are the one perishing by my hands. I lost it at Home Depot, not that I am a timid girl. I lost it, caused a scene, told my brother off, the salesman, the manager and the girl behind the counter. I couldn't control myself that at one point I actually wondered who was making all the commotion and realized it was me. I think they were only seconds away from escorting me out of the building. I actually told the salesperson, who said she was getting her manager, that I didn't need someone else to explain it to me, I went to college and i do understand English and even a little Spanish too.

Today I unloaded on my mom. I can't see why she can't meet me half way and just go to the play on the night that everyone else is going. I wondering right now if I will have a ride tomorrow. Darce even got a little bit of it today too.

How does one become this unlucky? Is it the house? Is it cursed? We can't find a car and every appliance in this house has broken. Seriously look around everything is new. The stress of finding a car and dealing with these people that selling them is getting to us. The money is dwindling since we bought this house, has me wondering if it was the right thing. So how long before that thin thread wears down and there is nothing to hang on to?

05:20:05
Don is Hurt

It was bad. Its his hand, his strumming hand. The hand that creates the rhythm in guitar. He might not be able to play music the same or even at all. It is a bandaged, a white and beige pulp of gauze and tape, swollen black and blue. Cuts run up and down the sides and he is in pain. Doesn't it figure its the night before a car buying adventure? The air condition is broken in the house, its hot and sticky and miserable. Him being injured only makes it worse, now he has to be in pain and sticky.

He doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, nothing. Takes pain like a man, so to see him take a pain pill disrupts the cycle of the nature I have been accustomed to. Its scary to see it really. The middle fingers are unbendable and any touch sends him into a whirling mixture of pain and distress.

05:15:05
Out of my Head

Jason bought his house on Thursday. We have been over there ripping up carpet and the sort. The place is going to be pretty cool if he can do the things he wants to do with it. All my doors are finally white with new knobs and hinges! Now to start on the individual rooms. I am leaving Saturday for you know what and hopefully things won't go wrong this time! If all goes well we will pull up to a cooler temp house and have a lawnmower to cut the grass. Thank you Sylvia for helping out in case I don't remember or am too shy to say it. It helps more than you can imagine. It takes the worry out of what am going to do and have the neighbors started complaining yet about the mess.

I am thinking of adding a section of lists. They will contain everything from movies to anything I can think of. Whatever I want to say. I thought about it a good bit and someone asked me if I thought it was too personal. That's my style of writing so if I take that away I have nothing worth while to write about. I write how I feel and a lot of the times I feel deeply. I wrote that way before I met Joe Grey and really organized it more once I started his site and put myself on it. I will never be as good as Donnell or Joe, but I aspire and that keeps my words on the page and out of my head.

05:13:05
Cycle of Three

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Taryn
2. Peanut
3. Swirl (in the graffiti days)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. design910
2. prokilla (homage to Grosse Point Blank)
3. I never really used AOL too much so I didn't have many

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I think I have nice hair, if I wasn't allergic to cheese.
2. my eyes when they are rims in black Lava Gloss Liner
3. the shape of my fingernails, but they never grow

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. short
2. I have a bad haircut right now, bad
3. oh that I am short? That's enough for all 3 of these.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Greek
2. dirty south
3. French (but very small amount)

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. george w. bush
2. The myrtles
3. The Luminati (listen to WuTang Clan)

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. my thumb drive (256 mb)
2. G4 Quicksilver tower
3. well when I had a car '95 Acura Intagra LS Silver 2DR

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Jamie Dean's Shirt (Disney's Fantasia)
2. Frog Socks that Amanda gave me
3. my favorite bra (its comfortable)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. Killswitch Engage (Howard Jones)
2. Alice in Chains (layne Staley)
3. Honey

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. Hope is - Killswitch Engage
2. Trigger Happy Jack - Poe
3. Nutshell - AIC

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. fabulous car
2. absolute Goofiness
3. intelligence

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order, try and guess which is which):
1. I didn't see her (accident)
2. I miss the old Chad
3. I like not having my car

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU
1. dirty (as in really dirty like car grease)
2. Conversationalist
3. Car Knowledge

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. the web
2. painting
3. Watching Twister during every cycle

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. race on wisner, alone or the interstate
2. talk
3. redesign AT cause it looks like poopoo

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Computer animation
2. socialite
3. gang member

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. The Myrtles
2. B&B in Seattle (or the city in general)
3. The Mothership (Apple Headquarters in Cupertino)

THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. None
2. Abe Bogotá (Denis Leary)
3. Chicken Head (DL, Lock n Load)
4. Seven
5. Surgery

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Drive a right hand GSR or Skyline
2. write a novel with a great concept
3. play guitar

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. Cars I know how they work
2. don't want to be bothered with makeup
3. Porn doesn't bother me, I know who Chasey Lain and Jasmine St. Claire are. I think I have a few of their tapes in one of the unpacked boxes.
4. I can hang with the best of them and hold up my end of the conversation in a male only group, cars, porn, music, etc.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
1. Tits
2. Vagina
3. Period

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Orlando Bloom
2. Barry Pepper
3. Clive Owen

THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. Paris Hilton
2. Chad
3. Amanda

05:11:05
Nice people don't live life. I don't wanna go through all my days being all sweet and polite and then realize, when I'm 80, that I'm just some nice dead person. [Gossip]

I was putting up pictures of Abbey today and thought about the night that the previous owner came and told me he was mad at me for giving her away. With your simple mind you judge that i didn't do the right thing. I am not even going to write about the emotions that went into making and carrying out that decision. I owe you nothing of the sort, ever. I wish I could truly say exactly how I feel about that, but you know, its a touchy subject and I am the only one willing to deal with things head on. Besides the fact that most of the time they weren't around anyway. Once I had my car accident Holli and Dave were no where to be found.

04:22:05

I saw her well before she saw me. She was in the distance. She hadn't seen me but I was at my usual position, in the corner at the bar. I was with the girls, without their leader. I remembered her the second I saw her and only when she opened her mouth was I able to fully to realize...yes, it is. She had a stuttering problem then, when Chris was the apple of her eye. He was in something with her but i don't believe it to be love. I think that he wanted to love her, but for some couldn't muster the emotion of that. Plus he was trying to hard to be me. He used all my ideas, my feelings that had been described to him. She had indeed really been dating me she was just kissing him. All the things he said to her were my thoughts, the presents were from my ideas, she didn't know it either never once. I remember the adoration he had for her and how it peeked out of eyes on good days. It is surely crazy since I haven't heard from Chris or counter parts in so long I probably wasn't old enough to drink then. He's married with kid. We won't discuss that, just ask if you ever see me.

So the girl. I watched her as the idea of recognition came into play, a split second before full realization. How shocked she much have been to have seen me at a bar with a bunch (4) of girls. When she was around, there were no girls, they were not to be trusted. I must say trust your first instinct, or learn lessons unforgivable. There was Chad and Chris and Tony and Steve and Joe and Joe and Joe, yeah stop naming kids Joe BTW, there were many guys but not one girl.

Sitting perched at the bar as perfect as a Hallmark card was Kim, Annette, and Amanda. Three quite ravishing women with martinis in hand and laughter like lipstick. How odd must this scene have been, how surreal as the new Chad would say.